Dating an aloof girl
Dating an aloof girl
Question: I’ve been with a guy for a year and a few months.He’s very sweet and charming but can also be so cold and distant to a point where I resent him because then I want him so bad.
The sad part is that most people who use “Acting Aloof and Distant” strategy to make someone attracted to them are people who have “issues’ themselves (insecurities, low self-esteem, jealousy, controlling personality, co-dependency issues etc.) Very often, the very person who triggered the abandonment fear inside of you may either take advantage of it to manipulate you or reject you because your fear triggers their own fear of “fear of rejection” or “fear of abandonment”, or being “asked to give” what they are either not prepared to, don’t want to, or simply unable to.If you’re looking for hook-ups or one night-stands, this may work with certain men and women (insecure, low self-esteem, jealous, controlling personality, co-dependent etc.).But if you’re looking for a long term relationship, this strategy doesn’t stand a chance.For some people it makes them want someone more, and for others it’s an instant total turn off.You see, when someone is intentionally making him or herself inaccessible physically or emotionally, he or she is trying to trigger the “fear of rejection” or “fear of abandonment” in another person.Right now, we’re not together and I know he expects me to make the first move.
I’m trying to understand why people find those who act aloof and distant more attractive. Yangki’s Answer: Not everyone finds people who act aloof and distant more attractive.
It’s like someone hitting you on the head several times and you can’t figure out who is hitting you and why.
Can you have a normal relationship in this dynamic?
If you have this fear inside of you – due to insecurities, low self-esteem, jealousy, controlling personality, co-dependency issues etc – you’ll respond from that place of fear.
You’ll try to “stop” the rejection or abandonment by drawing closer to the person who is triggering this fears inside of you.
This is when I do everything I know how to draw him closer but when he responds, I lose interest and start acting cold and aloof.